I have no idea where I'm going with my life. I think about that so much that I go crazy. This is probably why no one really stick around, because they're always telling me to have a goal, to follow my heart, all these things and I'm just sitting here......Well, what if I don't have a particular goal? See the thing is, I truly believe I am not good at anything that allows to be something in the world. How confident can I be, right? False. I'm somewhat a perfectionist and it has killed me so many times, but I mean, I got back up and tried again, but then I'd fall down again.

I'm not getting any younger, but I'm not getting any closer as to what I want to do. It's very upsetting, because I see these people around me so happy to be doing what they're doing. I'm scared of being harshly judged because I couldn't do it. Then there are people who just go with it and it's like, "don't you care if you're doing it wrong?" Because, people are just born with a talent. I'm just not motivated.

I don't have that mentality, because my childhood was always based on having a dream and little kids who didn't accept me (but that's besides the point). But since I'm so close, I'm so clooooosse; It got me thinking that well, maybe I'll figure it out. I haven't. I've wasted so much time on people and other things because I wanted to feel wanted. 

You know how people always say that sometimes your mind eats your brain, so you do stupid things? No? Me neither. I've lost so many things through the years, I'm so close to losing myself. I fell in love so many times, some with only just one person. So much time has passed that I can't get back and if I could get it back, I wonder if I would know exactly how I want to live my life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm content with my life. I just wish I knew where I was going, because I don't want to end up no where with no one. It's the worst feelings ever; to stand in the middle of no where and having no one to hold your hand in silence. I've had my share of broken hearts from other people and I'm not willing to try and break my own no matter how many times I can mess up.

Because to be honest, in the end, I have to stand alone anyway.

it's like he knows.

how do they always know...?